The hot air sticks to you,
clings to you,
your t-shirt is wet
with the smell of you,
unashamedly,
you wear it.
The air is so different in England,
cold and hostile,
it brushes past you,
it doesn’t linger,
it doesn’t cling.
The streets buzz and hiss
with energy here.
The nighttime heat hits your face,
which is cracked with age
and England’s winters,
but tonight you are wearing your
favourite T-shirt –
David Bowie,
his hair a pyramid
on your chest.
Your wallet is thick with Dong,
in England it’s thin,
purple and blue
sit together,
bare, minimum.
Here
it bulks.
Black hair and beautiful faces,
stand outside a bar,
they are wearing little.
You walk in,
you feel their eyes on your back,
you return with drinks for them all –
sweet black syrup mixed with rum.
You will have your usual –
a Stella.
The white froth sticks
to the top of your lip,
not dissimilar to the
colour your moustache would be.
Like a lizard your tongue
comes out to find it
‘Cheers’ you say,
holding your drink up to meet theirs,
and in this moment,
with these faces looking at you,
you can see
how smooth the skin is
around their eyes
and the youth in their irises –
they’re young,
not much older than your granddaughter.
You swallow your realisation
with a gulp of Stella –
it’s a different world here,
you tell yourself.
You say things
and they laugh,
you ask their names,
but you’re not really listening,
‘Where are you from?’
One of them asks,
‘England’ you reply,
‘Oh wow. London?’
‘No but nearby…’
They smile
and you feel patriotism
run through you
like a thick treacle.
One of them stands close to you,
her eyes glitter with eyeshadow,
and her hair is tied in bunches,
she’s pretty
and youthful:
too pretty and youthful for you.
You go to the bar
and buy more drinks
and more.
Your head is whirring with alcohol,
and now you’re kissing the one with bunches,
your hands are on her arse
and you feel in control.
You feel like a man.
You have money in your pocket
and this girl in your arms.
All the loneliness of England is long gone and
your painful divorce is over 6,000 miles away.
Now.
Now.
You are in control
and now
you feel like a man.
