Here is a little poem about Edinburgh Zoo’s Tian Tian. I only went and recited it on the BBC World Service Weekend programme! Turns out I’m pretty big on panda banter. For those of you who don’t know Tian Tian’s story…
Oh Tian Tian?
Really rien, rien?
We were watching your pregnancy
Our eyes hawking the bright green screens of Ladbrokes
Betting slips in hand
Will she? Won’t she?
Miscarry
Controlling nature like grand theft auto
Please do something to earn your keep,
We’re 80 feet
wonga debt deep
Oh Tian Tian
Really rien,rien?
You can’t use the cold as an excuse
We’re all freezing and we reproduce
At 600, 000 quid a year
We really need a cub my dear
Right, plan B
Yang is going to take you to Arthur’s seat,
It’ll be romantic, don’t just munch and sleep
Oh Tian Tian
Please, please do what you can.
We need more than just
Rien, rien, rien.
