Miserable in Les Mis

Miserable in Les Mis

I lived a dream of a mis gone by

when hope was high

and the film worth watching

I dreamed I’d emerge vomit free

and that the noro would be forgiving

Then I was clean and smelling sweet

But dreams were made and sull-ied

for hair full of bile, I over paid

no vomit spared, I dread to think what she had tasted

Got your attention? Remember the unsuccessful Leonardo Da Vinci crew? (if not scroll back some posts and you’ll find us) Well, we decided to get back on the bucking culture horse.  We aimed low and tried our luck at the cinema – after all, we thought, they’re bound to accept us…

So we went to see Les Misérables, which I’ve watched at the theatre and LOVED (despite practically hosting a very dull radio show about how much I hate musicals – well, boring on about it enough anyway)

A handful of actors/actresses that I usually find ridiculously annoying were going to be gracing the screen for the Tom Hooper production.  Anne Hathaway, Eddie Redmayne and Amanda Seyfried. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

Anyway we were going to check it out and we were going to do it in style. So, we hit up the Imax. We ended up in seats REALLY close to the front, which isn’t ideal – the screen looks peckish and at times I really did think it might eat me. Furthermore,  no one on it had brushed their teeth  (part of the down and out on the Paris streets look) which made it even more terrifying.

As a production, I really don’t think they could have done it better. Yes, I started to get the ‘blimmin hell this is long’ feeling, which is to be expected after watching three hours of televised singing – especially by people who aren’t professionals.  But everyone is seriously  impressive, bar Russell Crowe, who can’t sing to save his life (and ends up a goner).  Eddie Redmayne is brilliant. Post the film, my friend did a bit of banging on about how he had sung duets with him at school and what diffrerent paths they had taken. i.e. worldwide celebrity vs. accountant.

The cinemotography was magnificent, and  I particularly liked how the camera zoomed in on the person singing. It gave each song such a raw intensity.  But really it ALL comes down to the story. It’s more moving than a conveyor belt on speed. If you don’t well up, you’re messed up.

Personally, I enjoy the revolution stuff. The songs about how much they love each other couldn’t bore me more. A pocket full of shush your face.

However,  back to that little taster (bleugh) I gave you at the beginning. Two thirds into the viewing something made me very, very mis…..

There I was munching on a pick and mix and watching Jean Valjean wade through feces, when I suddenly heard a sort of trickling sound. I’ve had bad experiences with these sounds in the past. Years ago,  at a Pete Doherty gig at university, I felt  a similar trickling. I turned to find a very fat man pissing on my leg. When I pointed to the loo and asked him why he’d chosen my leg. He replied ‘have you seen the queues?’  That situation wasn’t helped by the fact that I didn’t have any shoes on (I’d lost them while crowd surfing)

However, in this case it was less trickily and more waterfally. And suddenly the smell came. Vomit. An old woman was vomiting on me in the middle of Les Mis! She didn’t run out but hung out…I tried to move my head from the firing line and act casual, but I could feel a train reaction coming on and did a runner. So, I ended up watching the remainder of the film standing at the back.

Oh the poor, poor Leonardo Da Vinci crew, culture didn’t turn Matt Cardle up this time, it just vom’d on us.

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