An ode to a loo, from the seat of a tube (classy chica)

Oh you, you spacious disabled loo,

Rarely engaged and always bright, 
Like Bethlehems star, on Decembers night.
The other cubicles can’t begin to compare,
They offer nothing, not like you 
Oh you, you spacious disabled loo.


It’s Thursday and I’m going on a date,

Running home would make me late,

I run into Pret, in a minor state,

your presence will decide my fate.


Please be there darling disabled loo,

But alas, there is not one of you,

Regretably I join the ladies queue.


Now it’s a series of squeezes to endure,

Oh no! my blusher has spilt all over the floor.

I squeeze into my dress,

My hair an afro mess.

It smells horrid in here and on me it will stick,

I hear grunts outside ‘be quick, be quick’

I panic, checking my phone to see the hour

before I know it, splish, splash splosh.

Yes it’s taken my phone the evil loo.

My mind drifts to memories of you.


I make a promise then,

Never will I cheat.

I will always hunt harder,

And kneel at your feet.


Oh you, you spacious disabled loo.

You dearest, darling disabled loo.


SO special you are to me with your warm embrace,

Your large door handle winks – welcome grace.


In your fold, I’ll hide from the cold,

And the hostile stare of other loo goers.

Who cannot understand you, or me

They are scared of you and think that I am sick

But they should choose carefully the fights they pick.


With your handle bars and alarmed string,

There’s no end to the pain we could bring. 

I could do a ninja kick swinging from the bar,

The string would get us back up from near and far.


And if there was an armed robbery in the garage store, 
I know where I would go – straight to your door.
You’d let me in and keep me safe, 

And immediately restore my withering faith.
You wouldn’t ask questions or hint for me to leave,

Telling me tales of Narnia, Christmas, Adam and Eve


No, the other loos they’re just not like you,

You spacious, darling disabled loo.


I would never expect priority over you,

Like you have over me,

But if anyone asks, I’m dyspraxic

And really need to pee.