Firstly just a bit about me

I LOVE crabs (ones from the sea not the others and not to eat but to hang out with),

pigs (tragically bacon too)

and attempting to rap – as you can see from my introduction above.

I reside in Shepherds Bush which is a delightful area – filled with crack heads and late night bagels. 

My sisters and I have mastered a trick which stops crack heads thinking you’re up for getting robbed. Talk to yourself. That way they just think ’chilled – she is also on crack or perhaps she’s mental, either way she’s in my boat and I’ll let her be’

My job is PR, but I will stop right there because I have no intention of banging on about that. I am also writing a children’s book which I PRAY will one day be published. If so, somebody please buy it!

Most importantly, you should know, I struggle in the censorship department, so apologies in advance… I get it from my mum.